


Place You Belong

by wholehearted



Series: It Sounds Like Fluff to Me [13]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Apologies, Cuddles, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, Loving boyfriends, M/M, Nightmares, Rocking chair, Sweetness, Telekinesis, connection, description of graphic violence, impact of trauma, music & lyrics - Freeform, ptsd/trauma symptoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 07:46:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19313761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholehearted/pseuds/wholehearted
Summary: Alex is scared he’s messed things up beyond repair.





	Place You Belong

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first go at hurt/comfort. It seemed fitting, and I hope it translates/works. The topic of pstd/trauma symptoms is a heavy one. I have both personal and professional experience with trauma. Thank you for letting me try my hand at something new. 
> 
> Thank you to caitlesshea for fresh eyes. 💚💚
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! ❤️
> 
> find me on tumblr (same username or @malex-allthehearteyes)

“FUCK!”

 

Alex is angry and pissed off at himself beyond all measure.  He’s lying in bed, alone, because he’s pushed Michael away, again. 

 

He’d had a nightmare, and Michael tried to soothe him, but it didn’t work. He used gentle words to comfort him, the way he had many times before, but for some reason it all went wrong. 

 

Alex had woken up in a cold sweat, his skin somehow too hot with the physiological effects of fear and anxiety.  It was like coming out of a haze, murky and disorienting. Usually, the sound of Michael’s soft voice would help ground Alex into the here and now. Then, once he confirmed he knew where he was—safe in their home—Michael would wrap his arms around Alex and hold him tight. Michael rubbing small circles on his back, petting his hair and whispering words of love and strength.

 

_ I’ve got you, baby. You’re safe now. Just let the feelings and sensations come and go. No rush. We’ll stay like this all night.  I’m not going anywhere. You’re not alone.” _

 

It had always worked in the past, but this time was different.  The nightmare had been worse,  _ a lot worse _ .  It had been an amalgamation of the attack in the shed, Alex’s loss of limb, and their experience at Caufield.  

 

_ Michael is trapped in a cell, strapped down, as Alex’s father brutally swings that hammer over and over again.  Michael crying out in agony, the revolting sound of heavy metal connecting with flesh and bone. The scent of blood in the air. Warm wet flecks hitting Alex’s face with each horrifying hit. The taste of copper in his mouth. Alex screaming, his whole body shaking, voice raw and strained. Michael unable to hear or see him at all, unaware he’s not alone.  Alex’s voice drowned out by the blare of an alarm, though he’s still able to clearly hear the vile sounds of his father’s hate and Michael’s abject terror. Every excruciating scream and whimper from Michael’s lips like shards of glass tearing through Alex’s veins. Alex desperate to get to Michael, to help him, to stop the pain, but when he looks down part of his leg is missing.  Blood pouring out of exposed muscle, an obscene clump of skin and gore visible where his foot had once been. He has no way to move, nothing to grab onto for leverage, nothing he can do. Alex is trapped by his own body. Helpless. Weak. Broken. A useless, mangled mess. No way to get closer, to intervene. No way to do anything but witness the horror and devastation in front of him.  _

 

The paralyzing combination of all the scariest moments in Alex’s life, had woken him up with the need to throw up, cry, and hit any and everything in his vicinity.  

 

The sound of Michael’s voice seemed so far away, the screams of his torture echoing in Alex’s ears, nearly deafening him.  The dream had been so vivid, graphic, real. Alex’s body shaking in an autonomic response to fear, drenched in sweat, vision blurred by tears.  When he’d finally heard Michael’s calm words, he looked at him (maybe through him?), but he could only see the edge of Michael’s his hair and the outline of his jaw.  His face was shadowed from the darkness of the room, swathes of red still clouding Alex’s vision. Deep set fear rose in Alex, like bile in his throat, convinced he couldn’t wake up, still trapped in the nightmare. When Michael had reached out his hand, slow, and low, all Alex could see was his father’s fist and hammer. He slapped the hand away, yelling and pulling at his own hair.  Alex had doubled over, gasping for air, sure his heart was going to seize or burst out of his chest. He wanted to believe Michael was safe, next to him, but Alex felt like he couldn’t trust his own mind, his eyes betraying him. When Michael had gotten close, not touching him, but trying to ground him with his voice, Alex had bellowed, “Get away from me! I don’t want you! STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE! NEVER COME BACK!”  

 

A long while later, maybe thirty minutes maybe three hours--Alex’s concept of time completely shot--his body finally calms enough for his mind to clear.  The nauseating realization that he hadn’t said those awful words to his nightmare, but to the man he loves, nearly guts him. Lying there, feeling like a wretched son-of-a-bitch, Alex’s heart aches like never before.  He feels ashamed, and humiliated, terrified he’s finally gone too far. Maybe Alex has pushed Michael away one too many times and he’s finally left for good? Though he’d been nearly out of his mind, drowning in hellish images and too many sensations, he’d lashed out at Michael in a way he never had before.  Usually Alex was quiet, twisted up by his rage and fear, but he always allowed Michael to stay with him, to be present with him. Alex no longer felt ashamed of his reactions, Michael always normalizing what happened, always supportive and accepting of this uncontrollable part of him. But this was different, the dream was scarier and more vivid, and Alex’s behavior indefensible.

 

Alex is petrified he’s fucked things up beyond repair this time.  He physically hit Michael and regardless of his altered state, Alex feels like a carbon copy of his father, a monster, for raising a hand to him at all.

 

He reaches for his phone, realizing he must’ve left it on the coffee table in the living room.  _ Shit.  _ With tears in his eyes he sits up, grabs his crutches, slowly making his way through the bedroom door. His body is aching from muscle tension and the onslaught of adrenaline, but he has to get to his phone and beg Michael to come back.  To apologize, to explain. Something. Anything. 

 

As he makes his way to the living room, Alex sees a shadowed form out on the porch in one of the rocking chairs.  Head bent down low, as dusk begins to break on the horizon  _ He stayed.   _ The surge of emotion in Alex’s body causes his throat to tighten, tears falling from his eyes.   _ He’s here. _  Alex doesn’t know how or why, but Michael hasn’t left.  He knows he needs to go to him, to say something, but Alex isn't sure what or how to convey how very sorry he is. Alex is at a loss for words, but he knows the right lyrics.  He doesn’t have the strength or coordination to strum a guitar or even sing properly, but he can play the song through their surround sound speakers and maybe that’ll help him find his voice.

 

He taps at his phone until he finds the slower acoustic rendition of the song he wants.  The song Michael has loved for decades, the sweet country song that makes the most sense, that fits this moment and might be the only shot Alex has left.  He connects to bluetooth and pushes play, he makes his way to and through the front door. 

 

Michael doesn’t move, head still bent, not looking over at Alex, though he clearly knows he’s there.  His shoulders seem to stiffen as the melody registers. 

 

**_Life may not always go your way_ **

**_And every once in awhile you might have a bad day_ **

**_But I promise you now you won't ever be lonely_ **

 

Michael exhales a long deep breath, jaw set tight, eyes closed.

 

**_The sky turns dark and everything goes wrong_ **

**_Run to me and I'll leave the light on_ **

**_And I promise you now you won't ever be lonely_ **

 

The tightness in Alex’s throat makes it hard to breathe and swallow, but he’s determined to fight for them.  He slowly moves to stand in front of Michael, not touching him, but close.

 

**_For as long as I live_ **

**_There will always be a place you belong_ **

**_Here beside me_ **

**_Heart and soul baby, you only_ **

**_And I promise you now you won't ever be lonely_ **

 

Michael still hasn’t looked up or even moved, so Alex takes a chance and stands between Michael’s knees. Michael automatically shifting his legs to make room.  _ Michael.  _ The combined heat of their skin mingles in that comforting way, the way that gives Alex peace and a true sense of home...the only real home he’s ever known.

 

**_It's still gonna snow and it's still gonna rain_ **

**_The wind's gonna blow on a cold winter day_ **

**_And I promise you now you won't ever be lonely_ **

 

**_You're safe from the world wrapped in my arms_ **

**_And I'll never let go_ **

**_Baby, here's where it starts_ **

**_And I promise you now you won't ever be lonely_ **

 

Finally, Michael looks up into Alex’s eyes.  Those golden eyes are rimmed red, brimming with unshed tears. Alex can’t stem the flow of his own, as fat drops roll down his cheek.  He doesn’t look away, just holds Michael’s gaze as the words continue to play. 

 

**_Here's a shoulder you can cry on_ **

**_And a love you can rely on_ **

 

Michael closes his lids, tilts his head, and leans his forehead against Alex’s waist.  Michael’s hands holding onto Alex’s hips in a film grip. The relief that washes over Alexs is more powerful than any nightmare could be.  He feels Michael use his telekinesis to move the crutches to the wall behind them. He also feels the air around his legs thicken, as Michael uses his TK to help keep him balanced.  Alex is overcome by the gentleness, the unconditional kindness that Michael is always willing to give. Alex reaches to wrap one arm around Michael’s shoulders, the fingers of his other hand carding through those wildly beautiful curls.  The locks like silk, smooth and thick, Alex’s favorite tactile sensation. He feels Michael’s shoulders drop, tension seeming to leech out of him, as Alex continues to hold and pet him. 

 

Alex whisper-sings the last verse, hopeful Micheal truly understands.  

 

**_For as long as I live_ **

**_There will always be a place you belong_ **

**_Here beside me_ **

**_Heart and soul baby, you only_ **

 

**_And I promise you now you won't ever be lonely_ **

**_No, no, you won't ever be lonely_ **

 

The last chords of the song play and fade into silence.  The two of them just stay there like that for long moments.  The sounds of their synced breathes, and the slight rustle of Alex’s fingers in Michael’s hair are the only things Alex can hear.  He’s willing to stay there for as long as it takes. 

 

Michael pulls Alex even closer, and down onto his lap.  They’re face to face, Michael’s arms around Alex’s back and hips, Alex’s arm across Michael’s shoulder, the fingers of his other hand moving to caress the profile of his cowboy’s face.  Ghosting his fingertips over the lines of Michael’s strong jaw, the slope of his nose, the softness of his lips, occasionally wiping tears from the corners of Michael’s eyes. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispers over and over.  Michael stays quiet, but occasionally nods his head.  Alex continues, “I didn’t mean it. I won’t ever hit you again.  I was confused...I-I thought I was still in the nightmare. I-I don’t ever want you to go.” Alex’s voice cracks on the last words, his own tears making it hard to see, but he’s steadfast in his task to ease Michael’s pain.  

 

Michael brushes away the wetness on Alex’s face, and he can’t help lean into the touch.  “I’m not going anywhere, babe. It doesn’t mean it’s not hard and doesn’t hurt sometimes, but none of it is a dealbreaker.  You have to know that.”

 

Alex closes his eyes, warmth filling his body, completely in awe of the man holding him.  Not sure what he ever did in this life, or any other, to deserve Michael Guerin, but thankful to all the gods in the universe for the gift of loving him. 

 

Alex presses their foreheads together.  

 

“It’s just something we keep working on and figuring out. That’s all.”

 

“Michael...Thank you.” Heavy sigh. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

 

“I know. I’ve never doubted that. I trust you.”

 

“How do keep forgiving me?” Alex knows he’s not worthy of this man’s faith in him, but damn if he’s not honored to have it.

 

“Because, you’ve always been you, and I've been lost for you since we were seventeen.  You’ve always made me feel like I matter, that I have a place here, that I have a home. I would do anything for you.”

 

Alex’s breath catches, as he nuzzles into Michael’s neck, holding him tight.  Michael banding his arms around Alex.

 

“No matter what I say in those moments, I want to be here with you, for you, beside you.  I have a lot to work on, but I’ll get better.” Alex’s words are stuttered, filled with emotion, 

 

“I know, darlin’. We both will...we already are.   I’m here to stay. No matter what. I love you, Alex.”

 

“I love you, Michael. Thank you for being my home.”

 

Alex can feel Michael nodding, as they cling to one another.  The song begins to play again, Alex smiling against the skin of Michael’s neck.  He knows Michael used his TK to press replay and Alex is ever grateful for it. 

 

Alex stays on Michael’s lap, Michael occasionally rocking the chair back and forth. Both of them quietly singing the words to one another as the sun comes up.  

 

The hues of pinks, oranges and yellows, the perfect backdrop for the desert landscape and perfectly highlighting the beauty of this moment.  The lyrics of Andy Griggs’,  _ You Won’t Ever Be Lonely _ resonating deep within their hearts, reflecting the commitment and love they have for one another, and the exceptional life they’re building, together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you're so inclined, feel free to leave kudos/comments. The feedback is greatly appreciated. 😊


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